Bingo, you’re a medical student!

By Fraser Tankel

The hospital grind getting you down? Have you snuck off for an extended toilet break and already browsed all the dank memes? Are you wondering what life will be like once you’ve finished the VIA? Introducing….

Medical Bingo for Bored Students (MBBS)

Consultant unaware of student’s existence

“Hi, my name’s ___ and I’m one of the med students…” Misses easy cannula Gets kicked out of room because there’s ‘too many people’ Orders 10 coffees on the reg’s BOQ Specialist card

Turns up to rounds incredibly hungover

Follows reg to the toilet Friend/family asks for medical advice Wears RM Williams boots

Can’t find patient’s chart or file

“Uh, I have a tute I need to go to…”

“So, are you going to specialise, or just be a GP?”

Free

Grand Rounds

Space

Lunch

Obs not actually stable

Gets stuck talking to patient for >1 hour

Reg borrows pen and never returns it

“Can you sign my log book?” Ward round lasts >6 hours

No swipe access to important area of hospital

Actually asks about patient’s concerns

“Sorry, I’m just the student, so I’m not allowed to do that…”

Best hand hygiene despite least patient contact

Follows multiple dank medical meme pages Requires antibiotics for conventionitis

Contaminates sterile field

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