Encyclopædia Preclinica

By Alannah Murray

 

A comprehensive list of terminology, essential to the understanding of the exciting and unfortunate phenomenon that is the preclinical year(s)

27 Rainforest Walk The spiritual hub of the preclinical cohort (especially since the introduction of free tea and coffee, circa 2016)
Arts 1.     A mystical utopia, devoid of hurdle attendances, biochemistry and intelligent life (actual existence unconfirmed)

2.     A course and (complete lack of) subsequent careers that, upon approaching every exam, you will begin to consider more and more seriously as: a) credible; b) worthwhile, and c) inevitable

3.     The butt of every. Single. Joke.

Biochemistry A fascinating subject; inspiring and scintillating, bound to motivate you and renew your passion for medicine
Doctor A transcendent status acquired upon the (unlikely) successful completion of your medical degree
ESSENCE The basis of modern medicine; a framework vital for proper diagnosis, treatment and management of all patients.
Golden Oak The nectar of the gods; drink enough to gain an edge over your fellow students with an early exposure to the exciting clinical environment of your local Emergency Department
Gunner Somebody actually dedicated to their studies; known to induce extreme panic and sensations of inferiority in their normal peers; to be avoided at all costs (unless obtaining copies of their notes). Warning signs include:

1.     Knowing answers in tutes

2.     Surgical career ambitions

3.     Enthusiasm and motivation to learn (what even?)

Jaffy An affectionate term used to refer to first years; acronym standing for Just Another Fabulous First Year
MD An inferior degree to the MBBS, adopted by Monash only as a charitable gesture to reassure the insecure and humble students of UniMelb of their prestige and superiority
MUMUS A fun group of pals who come together to provide you with academic support, wellbeing initiatives, social events and, of course, phenomenal publications
Mindfulness A life-saving intervention, proven by numerous (questionable) studies to increase longevity, telomeres, life satisfaction, and cure all known diseases
Mitochondria The powerhouse of the cell
Notting Hill Hotel, The A classy local establishment within walking distance of campus; renowned for attracting Monash’s best and brightest each Thursday evening for networking and professional development (of alcohol tolerance)
Parkington, Helena A most enthusiasdick enthusiastic and ecsextric eccentric character, known for giving arousing rousing and emphallic emphatic lectures
PBL The most exciting 3 and a half hours of each week, during which you will exchange ideas with your colleagues, refresh facebook, engage in exciting academic discussion, contemplate the futility of tertiary education, develop self-directed learning skills, and wonder whether 3.5 hours is indeed a finite amount of time
Postgrad* An ancient life-form, native to the sprawling urban metropolis of Churchill. Easily identifiable by:

1.     Birth date in the 70s

2.     Wedding photos in their DP

3.     Having 3+ dependent children

*Note that The Auricle does not endorse poking fun at postgrads, and reminds readers that immature undergraduate students are just envious of their actual life experiences.

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